Sexual Addiction
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What is Sexual Addiction?
“Like an alcoholic unable to stop drinking, sex addicts are unable to stop their self-destructive sexual behavior. Family breakups, financial disaster, loss of jobs, and risk to life are the painful themes of their stories.” Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D.
Am I or someone that I know a sex addict?
Sex addicts come from all walks of life They may be ministers, physicians, homemakers, factory workers, salespersons, secretaries, clerks, accountants, therapists, dentists, politicians, or executives, to name just a few examples. Most were abused as children – sexually, physically, and/or emotionally, but not all have experienced abusive or neglectful childhoods. However, the majority grew up in families in which addiction had already flourished, including alcoholism, compulsive eating, and compulsive gambling. Most sex addicts grapple with other addictions as well, but they find sex addiction the most difficult to stop. Nevertheless, much hope exists for these addicts and their families. “Sex addicts have shown an ability to transform a life of self-destruction into a life of self-care, a life in chaos and despair into one of confidence and peace.” Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D.
What Defines a Sex Addict?
Sexual addiction is defined as any sexually-related, compulsive behavior which interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on self, family, friends, loved ones, and or one’s work environment. Sexual addiction has been called sexual dependency, sexual compulsivity and Out of Control Sexual Behavior. By any name, it is a compulsive behavior that dominates the life of the person.
Sexual addicts prioritize sex over family, friends, and work. Sex becomes the organizing principle of addicts’ lives. They are willing to sacrifice what they cherish most in order to preserve and continue their unhealthy behavior.
No single behavior pattern can define a sex addict.
However, when these sexual behaviors have taken control of addicts’ lives and their behaviors have become unmanageable this may indicate the presence of sexual addictions.
Some common behaviors include.
Compulsive masturbation, compulsive heterosexual and homosexual relationships, pornography, prostitution, exhibitionism, voyeurism, indecent phone calls, child molesting, incest, rape, and violence.
While an actual diagnosis for sexual addiction should be carried out by a trained mental health professional, the following behavior patterns can indicate the possible presence of sexual addiction in one’s life.
Acting out: A pattern of out-of-control sexual behavior. Examples may include:
Compulsive masturbation
Indulging in pornography
Having chronic affairs
Exhibitionism
Dangerous sexual practices
Prostitution
Anonymous sex
Compulsive sexual episodes
Voyeurism
Experiencing severe consequences due to sexual behavior, and an inability to stop despite the adverse consequences. Losses reported by sex addicts include:
Loss of partner or spouse
Severe marital or relationship problems
Loss of career opportunities
Unwanted pregnancies
Abortions
Suicide obsession
Suicide attempts
Exposure to AIDS and venereal diseases
Legal troubles ranging from nuisance offenses to rape and child pornography
You CAN break free from self-destructive behavior.
Even understanding that the consequences of their actions will be painful or will have dire consequences does not stop addicts from acting out. They often seem to have a willfulness about their actions, and an attitude that says, “I will deal with the consequences when they come.”
Ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior
Severe mood changes related to sexual activity
Sexual obsession and fantasy | as a primary coping strategy
Inordinate amounts of time spent obtaining sex, being sexual, and recovering from sexual experiences
Regularly increasing the amount of sexual experience
Neglect of important social, occupational, or recreational activities because of sexual behavior
*Research and studies performed by – Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D., author of Out of the Shadow.